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suncat11
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Posted: Sun Jul 20th, 2008 09:02 am |
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My relationship with my mother is a challenge!
Does Abe give advice or talk on how to maintain our contact/support our parents when they are in pain/angry/worried/negative/volatile (and perhaps our relationship has never been too crash hot with them anyway!)
I have come along way - this one is a potential button-pusher for me. Anyone else I would let the relationship / person fall away - I want to honour what my mother has given - and I want to remain happy and true to myself.
Love Suncat
Last edited on Sun Jul 20th, 2008 09:34 am by suncat11
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I am
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Posted: Sun Jul 20th, 2008 12:37 pm |
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I am in a similar situation with my parents. I visited them for Xmas last year and some time before I went I put some Abe processes into work and started to write all their positive aspects down and started to vision situations as I wanted them. It was one of my nicest visits, there were a few flashes of situations that I didn't like or want and I then focused fully on what I wanted out of the contrast and the unwanted situations were very short lived. My sibling normally has the same issues with my parents as I had, and she is still not having such a good time with them. It really is all vibration, and as my parents could only show me the side that we were a vibrational match to it really felt I am creating the environment I choose to live in. Hope this helps!
- I am now visioning you in a good relations with your family!
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HoneyBlue2
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Posted: Sun Jul 20th, 2008 12:54 pm |
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suncat11 wrote: My relationship with my mother is a challenge!
Does Abe give advice or talk on how to maintain our contact/support our parents when they are in pain/angry/worried/negative/volatile (and perhaps our relationship has never been too crash hot with them anyway!)
I have come along way - this one is a potential button-pusher for me. Anyone else I would let the relationship / person fall away - I want to honour what my mother has given - and I want to remain happy and true to myself.
Love Suncat
Abe keeps saying that there's always only one answer: NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT I FEEL GOOD
So, one thing you might want to tell your mother next time she's pushing your buttons "mother, as much as I love you, I can tell that right now you are in pain (or angry, or worried or negative or volatile) and I would really like to be able to do something about it but only you can change your thoughts. Please call me back when you are in a better state of mind. As for me, right now, I feel powerless and I must do something right away, anything, go for a walk, listen to my favorite music, smell the flowers, pet my cat, because there's nothing more important that that I feel good, and the same is true for you. "
 Joy-Lise
Last edited on Sun Jul 20th, 2008 12:58 pm by HoneyBlue2
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suncat11
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Posted: Sun Jul 20th, 2008 07:01 pm |
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Joy Lise - you said - (hey doesn't the blue and green go nice together!!!)
Abe keeps saying that there's always only one answer: NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT I FEEL GOOD
So, one thing you might want to tell your mother next time she's pushing your buttons "mother, as much as I love you, I can tell that right now you are in pain (or angry, or worried or negative or volatile) and I would really like to be able to do something about it but only you can change your thoughts. Please call me back when you are in a better state of mind. As for me, right now, I feel powerless and I must do something right away, anything, go for a walk, listen to my favorite music, smell the flowers, pet my cat, because there's nothing more important that that I feel good, and the same is true for you. "
Oh Joy-Lise - with a different being - that would be great - not with my Mum - I have done similar - ooohh! she gets so angry at the mere suggestion of anything like that!!!! And she is pretty much always in one upstream state or another - poor Mum!
However I can imagine thinking that stuff - to great effect - you have reminded me yet again that I can only change me/my thoughts on this - and you have given me some great ways to do so.
Thanks
Love Suncat::boat
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HoneyBlue2
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Posted: Sun Jul 20th, 2008 07:54 pm |
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Hi Suncat (indeed, blue and green go well together, lol)
I'm glad I could bring you some relief on that subject. I can understand that with some people, nothing we say will make a difference but the fact that we realize where we are, personally, on the EGS during or after having a conversation with someone like that, is of great help because WE ARE WHERE WE ARE (acknowledging to our own self the sudden drop of happy/good feeling state) and it's wonderful that our inner guidance let us know, through our emotions that something must be done right away to feel better and move on to a better feeling place.
Big hug
 lol
Joy-Lise
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Tai
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Posted: Sun Jul 20th, 2008 08:08 pm |
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Hi Suncat 
My mother can be a 'negative' person as well, and I'm working towards the best way to handle this myself.
At first (when I started changing my own beliefs, and started being a more positive person) I wanted to 'change her' Of course this didn't work. Then I would get mad at her for complaining to me all the time. The only thing that brought me was a whole lot of guilty feelings, because I was not being nice to my mother, and my mother had more to complain about 
Right now I'm just trying to 'let her be' and not begin influenced by what she has to say. When she's being negative, I let her talk, I don't agree with her anymore (she knows that I'm changed now, so she doesn't expect that from me anymore) and when she's 'done' I will tell her some positive things myself, like 'I had so much fun doing this or that' of 'I'm looking forward to this or that' ... you'll get the idea.
It makes me happy to love and honour my mother, and to respect her for the woman she is, and it also makes me happy to respect myself and be the woman I am. I want to do this both at the same time, and this really works for me. I let her do her thing, and I do mine 
Love 
Tai
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WellBean
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Posted: Sun Jul 20th, 2008 09:19 pm |
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Suncat wrote: I have come along way - this one is a potential button-pusher for me. Anyone else I would let the relationship / person fall away - I want to honour what my mother has given - and I want to remain happy and true to myself.
I can relate! I read somewhere that Ram Dass said "if you think you are enlightened, go spend a weekend with your parents."
A few things that have helped me, I try to get myself aligned before I talk with my mom. I also notice that she is always resisting, always pushing, so many times I will validate her opinion. Even if it means saying "I can see how you would feel that way." And "tell me more about this, mom". That way, I am not pushing against her and she relaxes a bit and isn't quite so nasty. I think that she wants very badly to be heard and although I don't like to be a sounding board, I can tell she feels better to be validated. It is OK for now, I look forward to it being better, as it is in my VE!
One time, she was upset about a choice I made and was going on and on about it and I said "I like to think that if you were in my shoes and in my generation, that you would have done something similar to me." Frankly, I said it in defense, but it completely disarmed her and she decided that maybe it was a good idea after all.
One of my favorite Abe sayings that relates here is that I don't love you because you are lovable, I love you because I am a lover.
 WB
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Timo
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Posted: Sun Jul 20th, 2008 09:23 pm |
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Before logging in, i remembered something like the "give and it shall be given to you". I was thinking, "yeah, I want it all to be easier for me, I want mor help from other people and circumstances." So then I was thinking who can I give some support and help? And I was thinking of my mom. I would really like to help her, not in term as advising her what to do, or beeing some kind of child and she tells me what to do - no, I just say to myself "mom, I would really like to help you - what can I do to you". Because I enjoy it, because it feels good to me. Hmmmm, yes yes. 
So then I saw this post, and of course I had to answer really soon. 
Timo
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suncat11
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Posted: Mon Jul 21st, 2008 02:12 am |
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| Thanks for your wisdom and insight Timo - Love Suncat
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suncat11
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Posted: Mon Jul 21st, 2008 02:14 am |
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Thanks for the reply I AM - it is very heartening to know ït really is all in the Vibration"" - Abewise - I have only just beging to consider this relationship with my mothr - so I know and wxpect great changes as is hapening in all my other relationships once I bring Deliberate Intent in
Love Suncat
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suncat11
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Posted: Mon Jul 21st, 2008 02:16 am |
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Thank You Tai for your support Suncat
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suncat11
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Posted: Mon Jul 21st, 2008 02:23 am |
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Wellbean - this makes me laugh so much"if you think you are enlightened, go spend a weekend with your parents."
One time, she was upset about a choice I made and was going on and on about it and I said "I like to think that if you were in my shoes and in my generation, that you would have done something similar to me." Frankly, I said it in defense, but it completely disarmed her and she decided that maybe it was a good idea after all.
Wow this is great stuff!!!!!
and the grand finale!!!!!!
One of my favorite Abe sayings that relates here is that I don't love you because you are lovable, I love you because I am a lover.
Thank you so much Wellbean - this one really got me - and when I am post Night Shift I will come ack to reading this again (hmmm.....Night Shift - another challenge)
Love Suncat
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Bliss-full
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Posted: Mon Jul 21st, 2008 10:36 am |
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Hi Suncat,
I had a 'difficult' relationship with my mother from birth - she had two yrs of postnatal depression .................. and did not bond with me for 18 months.
I had all sorts of reactions to this and it took me yrs to understand it all.
And then I had a sort of resentment, and a yearning - such a strong yearning!!! to be nurtured, mothered etc...
When I understood the idea of contrast it helped enormously.............. suddenly I could see myself as that little baby, sending off these HUUUUGE rockets of desire! and I could see so clearly how this has shaped me in to who I am today - my capacity to love, my wish to ease the pain of others, my self sufficiency ( I CAN do this on my own if I have to!!!) - it was a revelation.
Now I have such a challenge as my sister has a new baby, she looks JUST like me when I was tiny- and my mother just adores this child - when I see them having cuddles- oooh it is tough!!
BUT - maybe my desire for that closeness has enabled me somehow to manifest seeing this is nmy life! Weird!!! But...................
Wishing you peace and love with your mother,
Bliss-full x
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suncat11
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Posted: Mon Jul 21st, 2008 11:34 am |
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Thanks so much Biss-full - yor response echoes alot of what I am experiencing - I do like who I am and how I have turned out and I know that the difficult relationship (always thought I was in the wrong family) with my Mum has shaped that. I love my relationship with my kids and they think I am a very cool and funny Mum - I think where it has actually moved now that I am fast changing with Abrahams teachings - its a feeling of mostly Compassion for her - a coolness and distance/seperateness from it all. And that is a little strange and foreign for me - my mother demandes Emotional Response as proof of love (your not crying you mustnt love me anymore) - i have for many years managed to not get sucked in - this is something new again. I know I spoke of button-pushing in my post - but that was I think the "habit" speaking - things are definitely changing - as with my kids I am suddenly seeing my mother as a totally seperate being on her own path. I appreciate this so much.
Love Suncat
Last edited on Mon Jul 21st, 2008 11:37 am by suncat11
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Tracy
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Posted: Mon Jul 21st, 2008 12:01 pm |
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Suncat - What you ultimately do - what feels best to you - is what is most important. But.....
I have done similar - ooohh! she gets so angry at the mere suggestion of anything like that!!!! And she is pretty much always in one upstream state or another - poor Mum!
So what? So what if your mother becomes angry? You modifying your behavior, or ideas, or thoughts, because of someone else is more about you, than your mother. And frankly, unless you're seeking out the opinion of your mom, what she thinks is none of your business. I am not saying this to be insensitive toward your relationship. I had a mother, and am a mother myself, but your answer is in your question: You are caring more about what other's think, than how you feel. And, that's easily done when it comes to those who are important to us. Who doesn't enjoy being gazed upon with appreciation and love? And even this is more about our own connection, than the appreciation of another.
If you really want to "honor your mother", than you start by honoring and loving yourself so much, that your mother - and her opinion of you - becomes moot. Your relationship is about your own joy, not about what you believe she's allowing you to feel.
Appreciate your mom for who she is, as much as you can. Write lists of what you love about her (BOPA) and focus only on those. Spend time with her when you're feeling your best, and as Abe says: "Get in, Get out. Get in, Get out." If being with your mom feels good for about 5 minutes - then spend or speak with her for about 5 minutes, then get out.
Remember, your mother has an Inner Being, too. She is also Source Energy, in the physical, having her life experience. And finally, the more you are connected to who you really are - the more this relationship will flow and how your mother acts, reacts, or behaves will be inconsequential to anything else. Meaning, that you have made your relationship with yourself the most important thing. And one who is connected to their stream is more powerful than millions who are not.
Tracy
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