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Mark James
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Posted: Fri Jun 27th, 2008 07:50 pm |
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What do you enjoy Mady? What do you like? What makes you feel more relaxed, more in control, happier? What's fun for you, in loud and quiet ways?
hello everyone
um... things that make me relaxed are animals, money, family, and friends
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Scott
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Posted: Fri Jun 27th, 2008 07:56 pm |
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I love to play this game myself when I'm lying in bed before I go to sleep:
"Wouldn't it be nice if...."
"Won't it be fun when..."
"Isn't it great that...."
"I can hardly wait for..."
"It's so nice to think about..."
"I really appreciate..."
"There are so many good things in my life, like..."
I always fall asleep feeling really good. And then that's how I get to wake up too! Double bonus points!
Scott
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Mark James
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Posted: Fri Jun 27th, 2008 08:40 pm |
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Awesome, thanks Scott, those are great ideas, I've read that to Mady, and got smile out of her I'm doing things like this myself, and I've noticed that I fall asleep so quick.
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phelana
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Posted: Fri Jun 27th, 2008 11:58 pm |
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What you describe with Mady sounds like she is stressed and unhappy. Do your best to create a positive loving environment with boundaries. When she is happy and calm, celebrate this with special time, reading a book, making popcorn. When she is acting out suggest she have some quiet time alone or offer to sit and listen to what she is feeling...when a kid says they are sick they are asking for help.
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Mark James
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Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 05:27 am |
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I agree that Mady is stressed, unfortunately. I've tried so hard to make it so enjoyable and relaxing at my house, and through this I've really seen her begin to flourish. However I don't try to control or even really talk about what happens at her moms house, other than lately, with me trying to help her move downstream. She is on her way, and lately I really see alot of myself in her, when before when she was having a difficult time, I could see alot of her mother attributes.
I am very encouraged with Mady, she even speaks about Abraham and Esther when I'm not around, which I think is adorable. Her mom can be pretty harsh on her at times, but I mentioned to Mady again today that she isn't to worry about other peoples critisisms, but rather do what makes you feel good.
The short version of this story about Mady is that she was having difficulty at both homes, and school. Really to the point where I was very disscouraged, I was trying so many things to right the ship, and it wasn't until I came across 'Ask and it is given' that my experience with Mady started to change. I'm so grateful for all of the Abe recordings, books, this forum, and all of you. I never would have imagined that there would be something so HUGE that could benefit me, and my life. I love it all so much!
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Suz
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Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 07:26 am |
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Hi Mark and Mady,
Its great to see what you two are doing together. I have just read the first Sara book and it really is a great introduction with easy things to do such as appreciating people we really didn't appreciate before. My 10 year old daughter is just starting it. She couldn't come up with one thing she liked about her brother to start with! So I really would suggest that you read those books either together or apart.
My other point for Mady was that I know it is normal to fight against 'silly' rules such as the one Mums make up, but you know a little about the law of attraction and the more you fight your Mum the more she will fight you back so the less you fight her the less she should fight you. Perhaps you should have her read the Sara books too.
Looking forward to hearing how its going.
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shiningsalsa
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Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 07:33 am |
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There is an Abraham video on YouTube called The Greatest Gift You Can Give Your Child which you might enjoy if you haven't seen it already.
The fact that you are trying so hard and sharing with Mady the resource you use is probably more powerful than you know.
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phelana
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Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 11:17 am |
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Mark it is hard to help across cyber space but you my friend are a kind loving dad with great awareness and honesty. Step back and breath. First of all you are one of many parents in a split home situation. You cannot control your ex's environment. If it is safe and relatively he althy that is all you can hope for. If there is something really wrong, then talk to the ex and that does not help go to your lawyer to seek change.
As far as my life and Abraham, I do not speak of Abraham to Maggie my 16 year old. I just use Abish phrases and stories. I practice the LOA. I have the books and in time will ask her if she will read one. I have the cards in the bathroom. I have not asked her to read them nor have I asked her IF she has read them. I am not "pushing" this or teaching LOA. I simply live it.
Breathe..
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yogishan
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Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 02:56 pm |
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My son is 11 and likes Abe's message. He has sort of absorbed it because of my own interest in it. For example, we were listening to parts of The Secret audiobook and it talked how there are no incurable diseases. My son pipes up and says in his Universe there are no diseases period. He gets it.
We have prepaved for good experiences at camp, with soccer games where he wins, and other things he does. Sometimes he says "Mom, I don't want to prepave, I don't need to!" and I hear when I should back off and get out of his pie.
He has overheard many of Abraham's recordings and Hay House radio programs. I read him a Sarah book which he likes, and we talked about it. It helped when he went through a phase of feeling nausea and being scared of throwing up. We talked about opening your valve at that time.
When I introduce worry or concern or caution in what I say to him, he lets me know where I am not allowing and he is, like he expects everything to go fine.
So it seems to me as I write this is to be a teacher by making yourself happy and by cleaning up your vibe through example. Be a teacher by allowing the highest frequency for you you can find at any moment, by turning your boat in your interactions with hers and others. Follow your bliss and she will follow. I notice children are often better at this than adults. Allow yourself to join her in play and more fun!
One more thing that I learned recently is this. When my son has a desire, I celebrate it even if it is something I don't necessarily want him to have or I see it as difficult for us to afford. I turn the boat around by saying "Oh, wouldn't that be nice if we had enough money to buy 3 Playstation 3s? Wouldn't that be great if you could play with that at home?" I am joining him in his excitement, not pushing against it, and acknowleging that is his pie and that he can have anything he wants. He can put it out to the U. to provide it. Not necessarily me. Source is calling him in a certain direction that feels good and I want him to listen to that and know he is the creator of his world.
In the meantime I am learning to listen to that in myself.
 Shannon
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Oceanturquoiseblue
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Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 03:43 pm |
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Mark James wrote: What do you enjoy Mady? What do you like? What makes you feel more relaxed, more in control, happier? What's fun for you, in loud and quiet ways?
hello everyone
um... things that make me relaxed are animals, money, family, and friends
Sorry, didn't get a chance to get back to the computer yesterday!
Actually, Scott continued the theme of the general direction I was going in. I.e. Enjoying thoughts of things that Mady likes, whether they bring up feelings of relaxation, enthusiasm, assertiveness etc. Then, following on from Scott's great list of phrases, I was thinking Mady could create some 'processes' (games or traditions might be a better description here) based on the things she likes. I'm sure Abe would say that children are the experts at creating and imagining these things in ways uniquely tailored to themselves.
All this stuff is, of course, for times when she is already in the frame of mind and feeling for it all. It indirectly impacts more challenging times. When she is emotionally not in tune with it, it has to be left alone... and pretty much so does she!
It's so easy to get caught up in trying to talk and talk to (and reason with and explain to and persuade...) children when they are upset or struggling and you think 'if I just find the 'right' words I'll get through and help - and make a difference!' At the very least, fewer words are more effective. Others times, zipping it can be even more helpful all round!
Timing is everything.
Not fixing is important. ...Because you can't and it isn't necessary anyway. You don't know where this early contrast will take Mady in life.
She sounds fantastic to me. Bright, assertive, open-minded and self-aware. That's pretty incredible for 11. And I imagine there are many more brilliant aspects to her.
And if you can't tell her in person sometimes, there's a great suggestion on another parenting thread to talk directly to her IB.
Remember, life is supposed to be fun and children are great leaders at that. Have you got into habits of taking things seriously a lot? Almost anything can be light-hearted and playful/silly. The times you laugh together help you hugely in the times you argue!
It can be unsettling to move back and fore between houses and live with different routines and in different emotional environments, but I bet there are some positive aspects that you could both draw out. There always advantages, even if they take a diifferent perspective to find. Does she also need ways to feel more secure and predictable i.e. more relaxed and in control? Some things Mady chooses and some things you choose.
I'll stop now before I write a book here! ...Just wanted to throw a range of thoughts your way to see if any stick and help.
Ocean x 
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Mark James
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Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 04:31 pm |
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Thanks so much everyone, and in response to Ocean, Madysons experience around my house is starting to change, since being introduced to Abraham, I'm really let her run with whatever shes wants, I ask her what would be fun, and we do it. I have stopped being critical of her, and this is something that my fiance is getting better at as well. So lately when Mady comes over there really isn't rules so to speak, I'm really trying to let her enjoy her what she chooses, and through this I find myself enjoying her bliss, it is such a beautiful thing.
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Oceanturquoiseblue
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Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 04:35 pm |
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I think you are all three doing amazingly!
I was partly referring to freedom, but also referring to some structure/routine that gives security and comfort, and that Mady has at least some part in creating. Of course, you and your fiancee need to create what works for the two of you, too.
Sounds like you are headed downstream and will continue to enjoy the ride more and more.
I'd say you are headed towards a strong relationsip with Mady as she heads towards her teens.
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Mark James
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Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 04:47 pm |
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Oceanturquoiseblue wrote: I think you are all three doing amazingly!
I was partly referring to freedom, but also referring to some structure/routine that gives security and comfort, and that Mady has at least some part in creating. Of course, you and your fiancee need to create what works for the two of you, too.
Sounds like you are headed downstream and will continue to enjoy the ride more and more.
I'd say you are headed towards a strong relationsip with Mady as she heads towards her teens.
It is funny to look back on our relationship. It wasn't long ago that I feared that Mady was growing away from me. But I've let go of those thoughts, and now that I concetrate on what is making me feel good, my life is really starting to improve in all aspects. I have always envisioned myself as Madys good inluence, even when she was seeming to rebel against me, I was tryng so hard, and putting so much focus on improving our relationship, and it never did. Until I stopped trying, and started cleaning up my vibration.
This is why it is so easy to speak about our relationship now, because she has come such a long way, in such a short time, much like myself, and in my eyes there is no better person to give the gift of joy to other than my beautiful daughter Madyson
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Oceanturquoiseblue
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Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 05:13 pm |
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Mark James wrote: I have always envisioned myself as Madys good influence, Ahh... prepaving!! ...even when she was seeming to rebel against me, I was tryng so hard, and putting so much focus on improving our relationship, and it never did. Until I stopped trying, and started cleaning up my vibration. Funny thing about 'trying' - it's like trying to open a jar by screwing the lid on tighter and tighter! I like the way the world works: letting go is more powerful than trying hard. How lucky we are to know this. And how enlightened of you to approach your relationship with your daughter in this way. This is why it is so easy to speak about our relationship now, because she has come such a long way, in such a short time, much like myself, and in my eyes there is no better person to give the gift of joy to other than my beautiful daughter Madyson. You're lucky... and Mady is too.
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Lucy
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Posted: Mon Jun 30th, 2008 09:21 am |
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Wow Jody! I could not have said it better!!! I absolutely agree about the upstream/ downstream thing being subjective! Thanks for that!
Love
Lucy
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