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Abraham-Hicks Discussion > Forums > Abraham-Hicks Teachings and You > Feeling Bad about Feeling Guilty

Feeling Bad about Feeling Guilty
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sedonawoman
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Joined: Fri Feb 12th, 2010
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 Posted: Sun Aug 15th, 2010 07:56 pm
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Hi All.

Since i've been spending more time here,
with all my lovely Aber's.

I've found i have minutes, here and there.
I'm finding a small amount of 'relief' over my mom's transition.
It never last's more than a few minutes.
And when i realize that,
i am overcome with guilt. Terrible guilt.
As if i've somehow betrayed her.
It feels so awful...


Most of the time. Its still helpless, tears, wailing at times.
A crashing wave of grief.
I can no longer sleep at night.
The darkness puts too many pictures in my head. Bad pictures.
And yes, i know exactly where she is...'whee".
I know that none of the bad pictures should matter.
So i stay up all night, reading, watching movies, here on the forum,
and have become a day sleeper.

I know those small moments are great progress for me.
A step closer to being able to talk to her again. (teary now).
Get in my vortex.
I know with all my heart, she'd want me to be happy.

When i am newly finding those small minutes here or there,
that the loss of her, is not 24/7, in those moments. I just feel so overwhelmed by guilt.
And i don't know what to do about that..
Can't seem to let that go. It's a new thing.
In that moment, the guilt feels as bad as the horrible grief.

I'd be interested in your replies please.
And now i'm off to bed, hope to hear from you,
when i awake.

I love you all so very much.
:kiss:
There are no words to tell you,
how much you have uplifted me.

Saved me, with your words of wisdom, and unconditional love.
I have no friends yet in my world here.
You are all my beloved friends. My new family.

I want to stay here, and see if i can get into my vortex more often.
And enjoy all the wonderful things i know i have put in there,
with a lifetime of step 1 moments.

Help me deal with my guilt in those moments, i feel a little bit lighter...
I can't figure it out.

I love you guys.....Cindy::hearts

footprints on my way
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Joined: Sun Jan 3rd, 2010
Location: A Happy Place With Nice People, Germany
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 Posted: Sun Aug 15th, 2010 08:10 pm
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Hi Cindy,

where is the big Cindy telling the small Cindy that it is ok, however she feels? That there aren't any wrong feelings? That she is great just like she is? And that it is normal that she wants to have fun. Because she is born that way. And made that way. Happiness is her birthright. Deep down the small Cindy knows that - and the big Cindy, too.

A loving hug to you::hugging::group

Anne

Evey
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 Posted: Sun Aug 15th, 2010 09:36 pm
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Take the same advice that you gave Soul Sister...::huggingBlame feels better than guilt. Why not try to move up the scale and go to blame?

I will help you: Why did she have to croak like that? Why did she do a better job showing me (cindy) how to get into my own vortex on my own and not through her before she croaked? Why did she not make  me a witch cake when i asked for it as an adult? Why did she raise her sons to be so homophobic? Why did she have to get dimentia/alzheimers and leave me with all of this emotional mess? Why couldn't she continue to be the mother and let me be the baby?

Why did my father do a better job keeping my brothers at bay? Why didn't he do a better job raising us, my brothers to put the entire family first (and let go of their homophobia) and me to be emotionally independent and capable of handling death?

Why didn't my parents explain this death business better? Why dont I get this death business better? Why wont people on this silly forum type out the words to make *me* feel better. Why wont that silly evey get off my case and realize i need to be soothed  (fun). Why does she keep suggesting vibrational homework for me to do? (fun)

Why dont I just let go of keeping the weekly anniversary of when this whole thing got started? Why do i think i am not worthy of being completely happy? Why do i think it was my job to somehow make my mother's croaking different? Why dont I get that croaking is really returning to source and feels amazingly good and it does not matter who is around to watch you do it, it really is a solo journey pretty much like birth?

Why didn't my brothers croak first, they are the ones that need to close their gap? (fun). I am sure you will think of many more---but dont get stuck in any one bad feeling emotion. Keep moving up. In 22 days you will be up there. ::group

Check this out from one of David's sister sites:

http://whatanicewebsite.com/faces/death.htm 

http://whatanicewebsite.com/faces/shifting_your_emotional_set_point.htm

 
here is a better look at the scale:

http://whatanicewebsite.com/faces/emotional_scale_and_related_proc.htm

Last edited on Sun Aug 15th, 2010 09:41 pm by Evey

ellenyo
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Joined: Wed Oct 14th, 2009
Location: San Jose, California USA
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 Posted: Sun Aug 15th, 2010 10:04 pm
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sedonawoman wrote:
I know those small moments are great progress for me.
A step closer to being able to talk to her again. (teary now).
Get in my vortex.
I know with all my heart, she'd want me to be happy.




Hi sedonawoman!

I think you've come a long way on the emotional scale. I remember being put off by your earlier posts because they seemed bitter. I understand your story better now, and I'm impressed by your determination to feel better. You should pat yourself on the back!

A question: are you wanting to get into the vortex in order to talk to your mother? If you're wanting to get into the vortex for any other reason than it feels good to be in there and that's your natural state of being, then you can't get there. You can't get in there if you think by getting in there, you'll get your stuff.

But you're heading in the right direction! And yes, you mother wants you to be happy. She is available in your vortex, but you have to let go of the need to talk to her before you can get in there with her. That's the conundrum!

Also, Abe says we human are so fond of our dramas. They say it affectionately, and they say it's okay, but they want us to remember that it's a creation we're making, that's all. Your actual mother is  no longer involved in this drama. It's only your thoughts of her that are.

Evey's advice is right on about moving one step up on the EGS. And think about it, guilt is so much higher than rage and powerlessness! Maybe you can't see it, but from the outside, it's clear you're moving forward!

Thank you for being here.

lovingit
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 Posted: Mon Aug 16th, 2010 01:08 am
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What everyone else said!

Cindy, you really have significantly changed your vibe in a really short space of time, so, take the time to congratulate yourself on your progress. ::hugging ::flowers

Guilt is a fairly normal stage of 'bereavement'  guilt about still being alive when they're not, guilt about daring to be happy (even for just a few moments) when you 'should be' grieving....

But this is guilt (as is all guilt, come to think of it!) arising from bogus thoughts... thoughts like 'death is a bad thing, the 'end' of a life.' thoughts like 'I can't truly love someone if I can be happy without them.' Bogus, bogus, bogus!

So, you can allow your feeling of guilt, just like you can allow yourself to miss her, and you can just acknowledge that these feeling come from thinking thoughts your IB isn't/wouldn't think...

And then you could ask yourself: would your mum want you to feel guilty about being happy? Would your mum want you to spend your time grieving for her? or, would your mum want you to allow yourself to be happy and live a full life?

Don't feel bad about feeling bad! That just adds to the resistance! Feeling 'bad' is not a negative thing, it's simply an indicator that your thoughts aren't in alignment with Who You Really Are.

All you need to do, is acknowledge that you're not in alignment with YOU and set the intention to find a better-feeling thought... and then allow those better feeling thoughts to come to you.

You are on your way to where you want to be, and you're doing great, just accept this as a step on the journey.... you don't have to hang around here (in guilt) if you don't like it.

All is well, and getting well-er.

Love for the journey,

Rach

::hugging

sedonawoman
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Joined: Fri Feb 12th, 2010
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 Posted: Mon Aug 16th, 2010 10:27 am
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Thank you Evey,
I knew i could count on you.::TU

And by the way, i loved the homework.
I don't think i could ever feel angry with my mom.
I feel she always did the best she knew how to at the time.
But oh, there are other's who can get me there easily.(anger)
And to blame also.

I appreciated the links, i hadn't found that before,
and i think it will be very helpful.
If you find other stuff like that, please send the link on along my way.
You're a rockstar. xo

Thank you Foot Prints on my Way.
I guess there never was a big Cindy, thats a new trail to blaze for me.
It was my Mom, that always made everything ok,
even when technically she couldn't.
It just felt ok, for her to say it would be so.

I really appreciated your reply Ellenyo.
I'm not trying to get in my vortex to talk to my mom.
( i think i'd have to experience that one, to believe it could happen.
Looking forward to finding out one day.)
I'd sure be happy, with just being happy, right about now.
This has been a journey for sure.
I think it'd have been odd, if i didn't feel pretty bitter.
About the drama that somehow got co created by all parties.

And Dear Rach, I always have so much love for you,
and your advice. You are very dear to me.
And what you say, always makes perfect sense.

It's funny how one can advise others.
When it comes to oneself.
Sometimes you can't see the forest for the tree's. So to speak.

Thank you each, for wonderful replies.
I'll be working on that 'homework".

I do know my mom would want me to be happy.
It would be all she'd ever want.

Much Love, Cindy ::downstream

Last edited on Mon Aug 16th, 2010 11:12 am by sedonawoman

Soul Sister 2010
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 Posted: Mon Aug 16th, 2010 06:17 pm
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Cindy-

You must make peace with where you are and know that it's okay. I think you're like me where you're like,"Damnit! I should be better able to handle this!" But the truth of the matter is that you are learning how to cope and how to be happy again and grieving is very natural and crying is very therapeutic. 

I know you don't want to feel like shit and I promise that you won't forever. Look at the good moments that you have and hold onto them with both hands. Savor what it is that is making you smile these days and indulge in that. I remember the other thing that I wanted to tell you about when my former partner lost her father. Remember how I said that her father was her best friend? She still has times of grief of course but you know what? She has been very much able to go on and find happiness in other aspects of her life and you will too. 

Someone once said to me, "You have to let go of the trapeze bar and trust that there will be another one for you to grab onto." One can take that in many ways, but you will not fall into the darkness, Cindy. You are quite obviously a strong, lovely, kind woman and although healing takes time, healing will happen. You are still trying to get used to major changes in your life. I know what it's like when your life is suddenly unrecognizable and you have to find your way back.  

You said your mom was your only friend... I think it's a wonderful time to start really bringing things into your life that you have wanted - perhaps good friends is one thing. There is nothing like having that support group and like you, I am working on that as well.  

Sometimes life makes a turn without using its turning signal. My guru has a wonderful video on absorbing loss and I will send you the link. What may be the great lesson that you may learn through your mother's transition, Cindy, love?  

Your mother has been a wonderful teacher for you and there is a lesson in this for you. Certainly it will make you stronger and most definitely it will deepen your capacity to love and not take even a moment for granted. Such precious gifts. 

xoxo 

sedonawoman
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Joined: Fri Feb 12th, 2010
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 Posted: Mon Aug 16th, 2010 10:16 pm
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Hi Dear SS 2010,
Thanks so much for the reply.

What you said, all of it, makes perfect sense to me.:shock:
Dont forget to send me that link on my email.

Much love, Hope you're having a great day...Cindy::downstream

Soul Sister 2010
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 Posted: Mon Aug 16th, 2010 10:26 pm
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There you are, my friend:) Good to see you ::hugging

sedonawoman
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 Posted: Mon Aug 16th, 2010 10:37 pm
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Hi SS 2010,
Yes, i have risen. lol.::downstream

Lets see if we can try to love ourselves better today ok?
We are both feeling grief and loss.
Perhaps today, we can reach for a better feeling about ANYTHING.:beautiful:

Much love, Cindy

Soul Sister 2010
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 Posted: Mon Aug 16th, 2010 10:50 pm
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Yes, my friend... let's reach...

sedonawoman
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 Posted: Mon Aug 16th, 2010 10:51 pm
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:kiss::kiss::kiss:

Last edited on Mon Aug 16th, 2010 10:52 pm by sedonawoman

Soul Sister 2010
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 Posted: Mon Aug 16th, 2010 10:52 pm
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You're so sweet. I can easily say the same about you... 


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