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Abraham-Hicks Discussion > Forums > Abraham-Hicks Teachings and You > When "feeling good" doesn't work

When "feeling good" doesn't work
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planet abe
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 Posted: Sun Nov 1st, 2009 05:16 pm
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Ive been going through a lot with a break up of my marriage. I find myself able to have really good days and really bad days and days that are just depressing with a few (forced by me via Abe process's) rays of sunshine thrown in.  I am trying not to make this a depressing entry but I really want to understand why it is SO easy to feel bad and so hard to feel good?  Why is it so much work to feel good but so easy to just let myself sink into feeling bad? WHY?
I am all over the place in my emotions and so far from where I want to be. I feel like an imposter in my own life (due to believing in what is coming and ignorning WHAT IS until it bites me in the ass). I try to keep on focusing and doing processes and positive aspects and gratitude. but it is so slow. and nothing happens even if i can feel good for 51% of the day. I can feel good then I sink to feeling bad. I believe,  then I sink into total doubt. I am sick of trying. I go from living and focusing on wanted,  to wanting to just give up.
 
For me, sometimes I feel GREAT but it's hard. It's hard to get to feel good. It doesnt feel true that that's our natural set point.Babies cry. Little kids fight over toys and turf. Bigger kids are cruel.The biggest 'kids' are cruelest...if we look at some WHAT IS's.
 
If I created all this contrast, I must have been a pathetic miserable bastard up till now...yet all is well? how? how can it all be well to find myself in such unwanted? why is it all well that it is so hard to find feeling good? why is it said the natural pull is to goodness but it feels like the pull is always darker and deeper into the abyss?

and one has to fight (work) his way up...I'm tired of working-fighting into the upper ends of the scale. So it is said to accept my emotionall place and allow for now.   But, if i allow, I know I'll be  allowing myself to sink into a depression of the deepest darkest place I've ever been.  So, I'm sinking but pulling myself up.

If it is supposed to be easy and natural like a cork floating, why isn't it easy for everyone? why is there such a pull to the negative ends of the scale? sinking vs climbing instead of feeling like a rock pulling you under and you fight up vs floating?

::TU if you got this far.
 -Tristan

MaggieRoss
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 Posted: Sun Nov 1st, 2009 07:21 pm
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We use fewer muscles to smile than we do to frown, yet why so many frownie faces? Because it's what has been the dominant facial expression and now that those muscles have been "trained" it's easier to do.

Same goes with thoughts...when you are deliberately focusing on a better-feeling thought, another just like it or similar to will come along to bond with it.

Yet, if we are "thinking by default" and therefore creating by default, those comfortable very-well trained frownie thoughts are easier to slide right into...and when you do, another just like it is attracted to it and so on and so on.

...and down into the basement you go.

So just like you deliberately have to think to put a smile on your face at times when it might not feel so natural to do, same goes with deliberately thinking the better-feeling thoughts.

Law of Attraction will make BOTH easier and easier with each day through a little practice and both a smile and good-feeling thoughts will be the norm, not the exception!

Marc
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 Posted: Sun Nov 1st, 2009 07:22 pm
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One of the most frustrating (and wonderful) aspects of Law of Attraction is its consistency.  That is, the more you attention you pay to something, wanted or unwanted, the more momentum it gains.  So if you've spent a lot of time paying attention to what is unwanted, you're not going to be able to stop on a dime -- especially when you're on the very low end of the scale, LOA is working against you.  The good news is that over time, when you're able to shift your vibration gradually, the momentum starts working FOR you and you'll end up developing stability in your better feeling vibration.

That said, you're certainly not alone in this experience.  What happens to many people that come to the Forum is that they're trying to make a big jump on the emotional scale too quickly.  If your set-point is at depression or guilt or doubt, trying to feel "good" over 50% of the time is asking yourself to do the impossible.  You don't have access to a vibration of appreciation.  When you find out that you can't make the jump from one end of the scale to the other it just deepens your sense of powerlessness.

The piece you're missing is that no matter what your desire is, it's always an emotional journey between where you are and where you want to go.  That is, there's an emotional gap and your job isn't to make it go away completely all at once.  That really isn't possible.  Rather, your only choice is to narrow it a little bit or widen it a little bit.  So instead of trying to reach for good feeling emotions 51% of the time, it's trying to reach for the feeling of relief as much as you possibly can.  It's really like the difference between taking a crash diet to lose as much weight as quickly you possibly can, but the weight always comes back, and making small changes to your diet that end up making a big difference over time and feel almost effortless. 

When you're in the middle of contrast that is in your face, it's very difficult to see that all is well.  Really, in that sort of situation, it's just a happy face sticker.  You're better off accepting that wherever you are is where you are and then leaning in the right direction.  Maybe that means being angry -- be angry at Abe and the processes and the Forum that haven't helped you.  Be angry at LOA because it's working against you right now (because it is).  Whatever you do, reach for relief because it feels better and let that be enough.  Things WILL improve, but when you allow feeling BETTER to be enough, and do it consistently, your ride is much smoother and you'll make the kind of progress that has eluded you.

While it seems a bit counterintuitive, it's exactly what Abe is talking about -- give up the struggle.  Give up working so hard at trying to feel good when all you really need to do is start being honest with yourself about how you really feel and then trying to feel just a little bit better.  It will start getting easier as you allow it to get easier, but you've got to put down the oars and stop paddling.

cara
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 Posted: Sun Nov 1st, 2009 08:52 pm
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planet abe wrote: I really want to understand why it is SO easy to feel bad and so hard to feel good? 
 

::downstream It isn't easy to feel bad, it requires a great deal of focus on unwanted, which is always quite painful. You have many options of focus, but you believe that your priority must go first to 'what-is'. So your thoughts go: "Wow this hurts to focus on what I am focusing on - but it is true so what choice do I have?"... whereas you could say: "This is so painful to think about, and even though it may be true - I am going to think about something else".

The direction you want to point in is feeling relief - not 'good'. If you reach for relief you will eventually feel better and then good.

Evey
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 Posted: Sun Nov 1st, 2009 09:51 pm
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For me it was a very gradual process. But I was so motivated and then inspired to want relief that I kept at it.

No feelings are bad. Just follow the scale up the best way you can. I went from being mostly at the botton of the scale (fearful, depressed) to being so happy that I can annoy others who are near me if they are headed upstream as their chronic habit.

 

Early on I was so fearful about some subjects that not all process made me release resistance. The wallet thing did not work for me...i felt better stashing my 100 dollars somewhere at home because i did not want to lose my wallet! Ha! (mm where is that 100 doller bill? LOL!)

 

I am so far from that point now...but is was a gradual incremental process and I knew that it was going to work for me. I was just determined. And I decided that it would easier and easier and easier...and it became just that. But I had to let go of old beliefs and old habits of thinking and I grabbed onto new thoughts and thought them over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again... until the became new beliefs!

Did I say  and over  and over  and over again?

And then, things started to click in my now reality. Hang in there. It is such a worthy JOYFUL journey.

 

Last edited on Sun Nov 1st, 2009 09:53 pm by Evey

Patra
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 Posted: Mon Nov 2nd, 2009 05:56 am
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This has already been said, but maybe the same thing in a different way is good too.

The law of attraction holds you where ever you are, so you have to deliberately make the change if you don't like where it is...and quantum leaps are really hard on the system. So...feeling good is a destination, but not the next step when you are feeling pretty low.

There are two ways to do it that i've found taught by Abe, and really they are the same, but from different angles.

The first is working up the scale on the specific topic that is bugging you. I find that one to be a LOT of work.

The other is just picking an emotion a few steps above where you are and changing the subject...but targeting that emotion. And, I've added my own "trick" to that.

Demonstration?

Let's say I am feeling depressed about my marriage, because I wanted happily ever after, and that's just not going to happen, because if I have to sleep with this guy...I'd rather die. That's about as low on the scale as you can get, right?

So..I want to go up...the highest I can realistically jump is probably anger. There is a potential back door to something higher though if you are set point at something higher on several subjects. But...it has to be a genuine multi-subject SET POINT in order for that to work. I'll add that as the second "trick". But...just reaching for anger as a set point, I find things that are IRRELEVANT to my marriage to get mad about..then focus on my marriage and get mad. I start off topic and then go to the marriage topic once I'm already really mad, in order to work up some momentum, because I'm probably depressed because I got mad before...and then got guilty over being mad. So...a little momentum on other topics helps end run that guilt. Another peice of that trick is that, once I am already mad and I now focus on my marriage and focus some deliberate anger about it...I then tell myself firmly "I am allowed to be mad at my husband." I say that over and over and over again for a few minutes. Then...I soften it with "I am allowed to be mad about my marriage". Over and over and over again. Letting myself off the hook...and set pointing on purpose.

Once I've set point there for thirty minutes...the feelings might morph on their own to less and less anger and I could end up in irritation if I'm lucky. Or..I will use the same method to reach for that next.

And on up the scale I go...using other topics like POLITICS...to hit the target emotion with first....THEN approaching the relevant subject...following with giving myself permission: "I am allowed to feel this".

The second trick is correlating a set point. Abe says that you don't HAVE to go back and clean anything up, even though they offer the scale work, and sometimes I do find that it is possilbe just to replace an emotion with another. But, what I have noticed is that I need to be stable in that emotion already on a couple of topics before I try this. I'm still not going to try for appreciation, out of respect for quantum leaps. I've done them...and they are exhausting and worse, and I think that is what is happening with you now. "All over with my emotions" is what tipped me off.

This second trick is really the same as the first...just a bigger jump into an emotion that is well practiced on other subjects. So, if I feel hope about the environment and politics, I can practice those thoughts, get stable in those emotions, and then tell myself softly "I could feel hopeful about my marriage (ending easily or getting better...you fill in that blank)"

Some caveats about that second trick:

just offer yourself the suggestion that you COULD feel that once or twice a day. Don't try to make the feeling happen...just invite it and let it come and surprise you. If you change the subject of your marriage and just try to remain calm...that feeling of hope will start to occur to you.

And...stick to subjects that are not personal and important..because a "backward correlation" is also possible; if you get sloppy enough in your thinking and really go backwards on the marriage...you could drain your emotions also about the topics that you are neurologically linking: politcis and the environment. So, you really don't want to link the marriage to your body or your health or your relationship with your children or best friend...

Tiger66466
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 Posted: Mon Nov 2nd, 2009 07:24 am
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First - Patra I like your process with moving up the scale!  I'm putting that into my toolbox!


Tristan - firstly I can relate a lot to what you are saying because I am going to ASSume you are fairly impatient like I am (and I apologize if I'm wrong lol).  I have had my times of wondering why is all this so freakin' hard which made me want to give up completely/totally toss the whole LoA idea. 

Recently I realized that part of my problem was that I had not fully committed to ME.  I had not made the commitment to stick it out no matter what.  Also by adding in my impatience (ie I want what I want and I want it NOW) I was trying to race up the scale and if I got higher I thought I'd achieved something but only now am I realizing that I was just plastering on a mess of happy face stickers.  And the thing about happy face stickers - those suckers are cheap and they peel off really fast and at what seems like the worst time and they seem to make a worse mess in the process. 

Also if you have not found any of the Abe processes that float your boat, that's ok.  There are other methods and processes out there that are very Abe-ish and soothing just not originally thought up by Abraham.  (Some of my faves are the Sedona Method, EFT and Afformations - that's with an "o" not an "i" - different from affirmations).  You can google all those things.  They are all very easy methods.  OR you may have to tweak/combine processes.  The point is - if you commit to seeing this through part of that is to commit to finding processes that work for you to feel better. 

I think feeling a bit better is the key - again not to race up the scale only to get creamed when you fall back down.  I'm (hopefully) exaggerating but say you feel like complete and utter despair and hopelessness 23 hours and 55 minutes a day - but you feel "eh" for 5 minutes, that's a start.  Maybe the next day you try to feel good for 10 minutes (or rather not good but slightly better than hopeless and full of despair).

Distraction by laughter is great.  Even as my dad was dying (and this was always one of my worst fears) I still found myself genuinely laughing out loud thanks to a good sitcom.  And I agree with Patra - sometimes you just have to either assign a better feeling emotion on a topic or use other topics first to get you up the scale.  Right now I'm actually too afraid to feel sad about my dad's death because I believe that if I let myself really feel that sadness I'll be hopelessly stuck in despair and depression.  So when I do think about him I'm going with anger rather than sadness and depression.  Or I just distract myself a lot for now.   

Singing is another great distraction and I swear it's a mood uplifter.  Even if you could cause someone's ears to bleed with your singing, belting out a tune can help.  I once went through a really tough period and because I was walking around singing a lot I didn't even realize how bad/depressed I was until sometime after the fact.  Oh, and there is a website where you can karaoke and record yourself singing.  It can be so cringe worthy and yet highly entertaining.  The site is called sing snap, if you are interested. 

To sum up my ramblings - take baby steps and just keep trying to find the processes that work for you. 

All is well,
Stacy

planet abe
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 Posted: Mon Nov 2nd, 2009 02:43 pm
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Thank you everyone just reading your replies gives me a lot of relief. I posted that in a state of being very down.

Maggie, I understand having to practice. It is hard to want to try sometimes. Abraham says it is the natural state to be in well being so I am going to read that over and over. I will post what I read at the end. Thanks.

Azeche, yeah I do bounce around the scale and haven't figured out how to stabelize it. but knowing that LOA works even against me is a good concept for me, thanks.

cara, relief. I understand. ::TU

evey, I didn't fully relaize How Repeatitive I have to be. thanks. and Patra and Stacy, thanks for the processes I really need something to keep me from being all over the place.

here's the quot I found:

It's easy to allow. In fact, it is your dominant proclivity. You would much rather love than not love. You know how we know that? When you don't love, you feel miserable. You would much rather praise than criticize. You know how we know that? When you criticize you feel awful, and when you praise you feel wonderful. You would much rather know your success and know your value than to feel that you do not have value. You know how we know? Because we feel your pain when you choose the other. In other words, we think that it must be easy to know "the stove is hot". In other words, that does not feel good to put your hand on a hot stove. And we do not understand sometimes why it is so hard to take your hand off the stove. "Do I dare take my hand from the stove?" And you say, "My mother had her hand on the stove, her mother had her hand on the stove, our family puts its hand on the stove, that's what we all do. (Fun!) The day I was born they put my hand on the stove." And we say, but now you get to decide how you like it. And you say, "But it's hard. Do I dare take my hand from the stove?" And we say, risk it and try it. And you say "Ah, it is sweet relief to take my hand from the stove."
These Are Your Choices "But look! My mother still has her hand on the stove. And my government still has its hand on the stove. They've all got their hands on the stove. Who am I to find the relief of not putting my hand on the stove?" And we say, alright, put your hand back on the stove if you want to. (Fun!) But understand that you get to allow or not allow. These are your choices.

We are wanting you to understand it's not hard to allow. In fact, the hardest thing of all is to learn patterns of not allowing who you are: It's a lot harder for you to be confused than to be clear minded. It's a lot harder to be sick than it is well. It's a lot harder to not have enough money than to have enough money. It's a lot harder to be negative than to be positive. It's a lot harder to be pessimistic than to be optimistic. The hard, hard, hard, hard thing is not allowing. It's easy to allow. You just have to give yourself permission to do it and practice it a little bit.

We have enjoyed this interaction immensely. We think you have it. We think that you know what to do. And we think that together we've practiced very well.

But you are on your own in this, and you like it that way. You came into this environment knowing that you would be an individual Consciousness. An individual Consciousness that would have your individual preferences, and that anything that you, in your powerful individualness, identify as your desire--Source Energy will answer.

And over the next few weeks, it is our expectation that you will prove to yourself that you have the ability to let it in. It is so much easier than you think. There's just one thing that you have to remember: It is good to feel good: It is good...
It is Natural To Be Joyful Clarity is your natural state of being. Healthy is your natural state of being. Eager is your natural state of being. Loving is your natural state of being. It is natural for you to have desire, and it is natural for you to anticipate happy outcomes. And it is natural for you to love. It is natural for you to sing. It is natural for you to play. It is natural for you to skip. And it is natural for you to be joyful.

It is natural for you to know Well-being. It is natural for you to expand. It is natural for you to question. It is natural for you to find interest. It is natural for you to want more, and it is natural for you to feel good. And anything else is resisting the natural state of who you are.

There is great love here for you. We are completeExcerpted from the workshop in Ashland, OR on Saturday, July 20th, 2002





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